


December 3rd: Last Christmas

by LittleSweetCheeks



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Bad Decisions, Family, Hurt, Loss, M/M, Pain, Seperation, Why do they do this to one another, reconnection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-02 08:11:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16783069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: Last Christmas they'd been a family. This Christmas... it was all gone.





	December 3rd: Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [FA_ProfilersForChristmas2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/FA_ProfilersForChristmas2018) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>   
> Last Christmas by  
> Wham

Spencer slunk into the dim bar and looked around, it was full tonight with groups of holiday revelers, celebrating together. A year ago, he would have been one of them, but this year… This year he was a different man.

Taking a seat at the end of the bar furthest from the door, he thought back to exactly one year before, the team had been at Rossi’s house having their annual Christmas bash.

==

_Compliments of JJ and Will’s nanny, both Jack and Henry had been collected after dinner and driven back to the Jareau-LaMontagne home to spend the night, it allowed all of the adults an evening to let their hair down and party and that party had started with a liberal increase to the flow of alcohol._

_And with alcohol had come the games._

_“Never have I ever…” Emily thought a minute, booze slowing her down slightly. “Okay! I got it! Never have I ever fantasized about sleeping with a coworker!” Her declaration brought on heckling from Morgan, who didn’t believe her for a second, and then laughter as first Rossi and then JJ took a drink. After a moment’s pause, Garcia did as well…and then Reid. As one, the team turned to their leader, who had his glass halfway to his mouth as if he was partway to his drink before considering what he might be admitting. “Tell us!” Emily crowed to all of them. “Who? Who?”_

_Rossi shrugged. “No one on this team.” His casual answer sent the women into unbelieving giggles. “Jealousy. That there is just jealousy.”_

_Morgan turned to JJ. “What about you?”_

_She blushed. “Well, you know…”_

_“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.” He nudged her._

_She muttered something quickly and under her breath that only Morgan caught, his eyes bugging a moment before shaking his head. “Not surprised, not surprised.”_

_“Wait!” Garcia waved. “Who? Do I know this?”_

_“Yes.” JJ nodded dramatically, hoping her sweet but particularly inebriated friend would let it go._

_“Oh, right! The Rossi thing!” Penelope’s face split into a grin as JJ toppled forward with a groan._

_“Kill me now!”_

_Leaving her be, Morgan nudged the other side, drawing Reid’s attention. “How about you, Pretty Boy?”_

_“You do know that technically this group here is the only people I’ve ever worked with, right?” He was nervously tugging on the hem of his shirt._

_“Yeah, we know, but it could be anyone in the FBI… technically.”_

_“Its…not.”_

_Morgan smirked. “So, who gets to be flattered then? Cause it better not be Rossi, he’s too old for you.”_

_Reid pulled a face just as Dave let out and indignant ‘hey!’ and JJ demanded to know why he’d not said the same about her. “The fantasies, it is a guy though…”_

_He held his friend’s eye contact for a moment before those hazel eyes skittered across the circle and back again. Well, it didn’t surprise him much, Reid played for both teams, but even then he still had a type and it was no secret his honorary little brother battled a crush on Prentiss, Hotch was practically her twin._

_Bored with the silent exchange, Dave poked his best friend. “I can’t believe you, tell me.”_

_“I didn’t take a drink.”_

_“You were going to, until you thought about it. Which means you have but you don’t want to share… So share.”_

_“You just said I don’t want to.”_

_“I don’t care. The rest of us shared.”_

_“But you lied.” Hotch pointed out. “I know for a fact you lied, because I know you-”_

_“Fine. New game.” Rossi changed the subject. “Truth or Dare!”_

==

Spencer shook himself back to the present before his mind wandered too far down that particular road. The alcohol had carried on flowing that night until their innocent game had taken a surprising turn, and _that_ was the exact moment when Spencer’s entire life had fallen, very swiftly, apart.

==

_“Come on, Pretty Boy! I’ll carry you upstairs!” Morgan did his best to pull Reid up from the couch._

_“Noo! I’m fine here!” He batted his friend’s hands away._

_“Leave him be, Morgan.” Hotch’s voice almost sounded normal, though his gaze was unfocused. “He can sleep on the couch if he wants. You just worry ‘bout getting Babygirl up to bed.” He smirked at himself. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”_

_Garcia groaned but let Morgan guide her away, following Emily, JJ and Will up. Rossi reappeared from the kitchen and joined Hotch staring down at Reid. “He okay?”_

_“I don’t think we’ve killed him.” Neither man moved to check._

_“You don’t think I’m dead, but you still stand there.” Reid cracked one eye open._

_“He’s fine.” Dave patted Aaron’s chest. “You sharing with me or Emily?”_

_“I’ll be up in a bit.”_

_“Yeah. Don’t wake me.” Dave vanished up the stairs as Hotch turned back to the younger man splayed out on the sofa._

==

The hours between when the team had dispersed, and the following morning hadn’t come back to him for weeks, and by then, everything had changed. The pair awoke the next morning to gasps and whispered chatter.

==

_“Shh!”_

_“He said not to do anything he wouldn’t do! If I’da known this was something he’d do, our night would have been a lot more fun!” Someone, Garcia, whispered back._

_“Will you stop and just enjoy the view!” Someone hissed back._

_“Man, I knew his pants hid a nice ass, but…wow!”_

_“I know, right?”_

_“What are you ladies-” Dave started at a normal volume._

_“Shh!” Three voices cut off._

_“What?” There was a pause as Rossi was given the prime view of his living room. “Sonofa- I liked that rug…”_

_Someone, or two, tried to hold back a laugh._

_“You started this.”_

_“How is this my fault?” He asked, incredulously._

_“You stocked the bar.” JJ pointed out._

_“You put it in their heads.” Emily added._

_“Actually, that was you.” JJ frowned._

_“Should we wake them?” Garcia strained to get another look at the two men naked on the living room floor._

_“Shh! I think Reid’s moving!”_

_Spencer frowned at the statement, he wanted to turn and find the source, but he was stuck, and his head was pounding. It took him a minute to work out just why he was stuck, something very heavy was on top of him. Peeling one eye open, he turned his head and stared straight into the sleeping face of his boss. “Uh… Hotch?” He nudged the older man’s shoulder with a finger. “Hotch.” The body over him grumbled a bit and shifted in his sleep, his movements making Spencer acutely aware of the state they were both in. “Hotch.” He tried again._

_“Ngh. Reid?” Aaron rolled to the side, trying to wake himself up fully. Giggles in the direction of his feet made his eyes pop open._

==

Spencer slammed back the remainder of the liquid in his glass and pushed it forward, signaling the bartender to fill it again. In swift moments, he’d gone from elated that clearly he and Hotch had crossed into new territory that he’d been dreaming of crossing into for years to shedding tears as he’d been rebuked and refused, naked and sitting before his, their, entire family.

He’d gone home and hid for a week, refusing to open his door and ignoring calls. At the end of the week, he’d used some of his own connections to get pulled from the BAU and assigned to a unit working out of DC, far enough that he wasn’t likely to cross paths with his former friends, but close enough that he didn’t have to move entirely. Never before had a rejection…hurt…so much. It hurt even worse when Hotch never came looking for him.

Over time, however, his brain started to fill in that night around the alcohol, started to bring back Hotch pouring them fresh drinks once they’d been alone and how Spencer, gesticulating wildly while making a point, had sent said drinks flying, soaking both of them. From there both of them had ended up naked, Spencer tripping on the rug and tumbling to the floor and Hotch laughing at him from his spot on the couch. Spencer’d reached up and swatted at him, accidentally bringing him down as well. Alcohol pumping through their bodies, laying together had led to kissing, but nothing more.

In a small way, it’d been almost innocent… Except for the naked part… And the part where there’d been more than one prick pressing into a hip the following morning….

Someone hesitating halfway through sitting on the stool beside him brought Spencer’s attention back to the bar. “Reid.” The voice was a bit breathless.

He turned and stilled. “Hotch.”

“I didn’t recognize you… You cut your hair, and the glasses and…” His eyes were roaming, there were a lot of ‘and’s to that, Spencer’d made changes to his wardrobe as well, going for a more refined and sophisticated look.

“I kept feeling your hand in my hair… I couldn’t wear it long anymore.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” It came out sharper than he’d expected, but he didn’t apologize.

Hotch didn’t respond, when the bartender pushed a glass in front of him, he didn’t touch it.

“Nothing happened you know. Your response, it…you destroyed me for no reason.”

“By the time I realized what…” He swallowed. “You were gone and the AD came to my office.”

“What?”

“He told me you’d transferred, and he said he’d flagged your file so if I looked to find you, he’d know. He told me to stay away.”

“And yet you’re here now.”

“By accident?”

Spencer narrowed his eyes at him. “No.” He shook his head. “It’s not.” He finally pulled his own refreshed drink close, lifting it to his lips but not yet taking a drink. “I think you ruined me for being able to trust someone like that for a while still.”

Something akin to a growl rumbled from Hotch’s chest as he snatched Spencer’s glass, smelling and then sipping from it. “Tea?”

“I’m a junky, remember? I’m not supposed to drink either, especially alone.”

The way he said it, so casually, it twisted something else in Aaron’s chest. “You’re sober.”

“I am…now…” He let it hang.

“So if I kissed you-”

“Don’t. If you kiss me now, I’d fall for you all over again. I- I can’t survive that pain a second time. I’d make sure Zane gave me the cheap stuff and lots of it.”

“Zane?”

“My dealer. I pay extra to make sure my supply isn’t tainted, reduces the odds that I OD.” He lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “The cheap stuff though, I can get a lot more, but it’s cut with other drugs, poorly made drugs, I could get enough to be certain you couldn’t hurt me next year too-”

Aaron slammed the glass onto the bar, cutting him off. “No.” Standing, he wrapped his hands along Spencer’s head and neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. Around them, strangers began to catcall and cheer. When he finally broke away, they were both breathless, eyes blown wide as they panted.

“You kissed me.”

“Yes.”

“In a bar.”

“Yes.”

“Surrounded by strangers.”

“Yes, well, yes and no.”

“Yes and no?”

It was then that Hotch’s eyes darted to the side, into the crowd, his cheeks going pink before they returned to Reid’s. “Not just strangers.”

Slowly, Spencer turned and scanned the crowd. In the far corner were his former teammates, his former family.

“I was actually sent up here for the next round, I was supposed to go right back.”

“Why’d you do it?”

“I was terrified I did something to you without your consent.”

For all him brain power, it took Spencer a moment to catch up. “No, not then. Why’d you kiss me now?”

“Oh.” Aaron thought a minute. “Because I wanted to do it sober, so I could remember it forever.”

“But…why?”

“Do you remember the question that started this whole mess?”

It was still fresh in his mind from his walk down memory lane. “Fantasizing about a coworker.”

“Rossi called me on it later. Again. He was right, I was about to take a drink.” He drew a breath, determined to see this through without wavering. “I fantasized about you, for a long time and even…after. For weeks, every night I dreamed that we woke up differently that morning, that I didn’t freak out and do what I did.”

“This doesn’t fix things, Hotch.”

“Aaron. Please.”

“Aaron. I can’t let myself trust you.”

Hotch nodded, feeling tears prick his eyes.

“If I do… I’ll fall so hard and fast…Even… That kiss, I want to believe it, believe you meant it, but I need to find someone who’s not going to…”

Aaron cupped his cheeks again, pressing another kiss to his lips. When he pulled away this time, it was only to press their foreheads together. “I will do whatever it takes to prove to you I’m really serious about this.”

“I can’t let myself trust you.”

“But will you let me prove myself anyway?”

Aaron’s voice was soft, his lips almost brushing Spencer’s as he spoke. Spencer darted his tongue out to wet his own lips quickly. “Kiss me again.”


End file.
